Well everyone, here you find me. I know I have not written in a while and honestly, I don’t even have a great or convincing excuse.
I honestly just haven’t felt like writing.
Every time I turn on my Mac, watch the apple glow, and open Google Docs, I feel discouraged. I don’t know what I want to say and I do not have had the words to say it, even if I did know what I wanted to write.
I try writing numerous times.
I fail numerous times.
I get stuck more times than I can count; I am running around in circles trying to make my points and tell my stories.
And in the end, all I find is failure.
My words feel inadequate and soon after my words acquired this feeling, I began feeling this way, too. Though I am writing currently, I still cannot understand why all I feel is anger when I write.
I am angry by my lack of words.
I am angry by my inability to speak.
I am angry by the struggle I find in speaking the truths I so desperately need to speak.
I am angry by feeling so inadequate to share the Word with all of you. Writing recently has just made me angry; I do not enjoy it when I make myself come up with ideas and I just don’t think you enjoy it all that much either.
I have tried to persevere and write anyways, but in the end I frustrate myself even more.
I am sorry that I have not been writing and I am sorry that I have not shared my words with all of you.
I have so many ideas I long to share with all of you and just haven’t found the words. I hope in writing this, I find my words again.
So, bear with me here.
So, recently I have been thinking about how to be and act like a woman of God. I am growing up; I am at the point in my life where I choose who I want to be with the help of God and in my process of thinking about this, I began thinking about the women in my life who have shown me how to become a woman of God.
While there are quite a few women in particular that show me this on a daily basis, there is one person in particular.
I am writing to you.
Mom, you have been the rock of my entire life. You bore me and I know that was probably a huge pain, literally and figuratively; you dealt with horrible cravings while I grew inside of your stomach, wow that sounds painful, and changed so many disgusting diapers. As a young child, you clothed me in some of the most adorable clothing I have ever seen and you loved me even when I would accidentally say curse words at the table in front of all your old friends. Sorry about that...
You watched me grow into the person I am today, but not only did you watch me as I grew, but you helped me to become this person by remaining faithful and walking in the ways of the Lord, even when things spun entirely out of control.
Your life has been everything short of easy, mom. You went back to school while you raised two children, maintained a home, and worked full time. You have taken on some of life’s biggest challenges and tackled them with all your strength. You have managed classrooms full of students while battling a chronic illness. You have been consistent and dependable; you always do what you have to do in order to be successful, without complaining or whining. Whatever I need, you provide for me. You are there for me when I need someone to cry to or someone to snuggle with. You have gone to extreme measures to ensure my happiness and whipped me into shape when I have needed it the most. You have driven miles to have me where I needed to be and you have supported every decision I have made.
Mom, you have showed me what it looks like to be a woman of God.
You have given me the ability to write this post by reminding me that remaining faithful is one of the most important things anyone will ever do in their lives. You have been a constant reminder for me to always look on past my discouragement and see forward into God’s fruitful promises. You have been the reminder I have always needed.
Thinking about you as I write this is helping me find the words to write. You have led me by example.
You have led me into living a life for God; you have led me into living as a Godly woman.
Even though I am sure you think you don’t live this way everyday, you do.
You have been everything to me when I had nothing. You have proven to me that it’s okay to lose sight of your faith, as long as you don’t give up finding it.
I love you and I am not sure I can thank you enough for teaching me how to be a woman of God: dependable, loving, kind, selfless, tenacious, determined, faithful, ingenious, and beautiful. You will never understand how much you truly mean to me, mommy.
To all the rest of you still reading, I want you to read Proverbs 31:10-30. King Solomon outlines for us how a Godly woman acts and lives. Most of what he says is in words and phrases we do not see often, but it is a beautiful image of a dedicated and loving woman. I love reading this, but my favorite part of this excerpt from Proverbs 31is when Solomon says…
Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.
Proverbs 31:29 (NIV)
I think all of us feel similarly about our mothers.
We all think we have the best mother in the world.
I love this idea, honestly; I love the idea that we hold our mothers to the highest regard because they deserve it. They deserve the world and even more than the world. They have helped shape you into who you are and have dedicated most of their lives to raising you.
Mothers are one of the most important people in our lives.
Do not go without appreciating these women of God in your life. God has placed them there for a specific reason.
Love them. Cherish them. Appreciate them. Make sure they know you love them and appreciate all the things they do for you, small and large.
You will never know the impact you have on your mother by just telling her you love her.
They are beautiful women of God and you can learn so much by leaning into their example and loving them wholeheartedly.
So to Mothers everywhere: thank you for leading by example and pursuing honorable and noble work, even though you make mistakes. Grace is available for you no matter what you believe.
To my mother: you have changed my life and helped me to become a woman of God. I love you and I hope by my appreciation, you see the beauty and value that you possess.
Happy Mother’s Day to all.
Let’s make it count.
Sometimes in life we grow agitated and irritated when we can’t hear God speaking over all the noise. We think, “okay, if I can’t hear God, maybe I should just do my own thing.” But in reality, doing so causes a larger interference than you began with.
The New Year is here and while that is a blessing, sometimes it can be trying on our faith. We want God to work within our timing and when He doesn’t, it can feel like our New Year is backwards and becoming Yew Near. But we must not assume God is up to malice because He is not working within our timing.